Afraid of my Light

I realized in my writing this morning the quote by Marianne Williamson is so true for me. It is my light that scares me. Every time I start to move forward with something I want to do that might be powerful or enlightening I get fearful and stop myself. I let others comments stop me as well, but for the most part it is my own self talk that stops me. In most of the work I have done life coaching I have worked with survivors of some kind of abuse. I saw a new pathway for me today, I need to teach myself and others how to survive ourselves! We are our own worst enemy, we create our own misery with the stories we make up in our heads about any given situation.I get caught up in how great I was in China and how can I possibly claim that same greatness here? Well I can, and so can everyone else. I have decided I don't have to be in China with a hungry audience to be great. Steve and I taught a seminar this weekend helping deal with loss, called "Back on Track". It was fun. Fun to teach together with my husband and fun to teach people who wanted the information we were giving them. I felt my light come forth as we taught and just as in Williamson's quote "as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." I spoke with a participant during a break and she mentioned how she had been inspired to write for a paper and started pursuing it and people around her discouraged her from doing it. I spoke to her and was actually speaking to myself as well. I told her to listen to her inner self and if she felt light from her inspiration she should follow it. Yeah , I know I need to follow my own advice.

I heard a story of a donkey that fell in a well and the farmer said he had no way to get him out so he would just bury him in there. So, every day her poured dirt on the donkey and every day the donkey stomped it down so he wouldn't get buried . At the end of a week or so the donkey walked out of the well because he had stomped the dirt down that was going to bury him. I remind myself of that every day as I feel buried in the mundane tasks of life and living, ie cooking, cleaning, banking, working, caretaking, church, and family. I just get it done and continue on with my dreams. If I touch my dream each day then I don't feel resentful and upset about doing the mundane. I am happy, I am enjoying my family and writing.